The Best Funny Quotes

Fun is an essential ingredient of life.Add some fun to your day with great funny quotes!
Life is much easier
if we keep our smile or even laugh when we face a tough challenge.If we do that we will see the challenge from a new and improved perspective,maybe as an opportunity,or even a chance to do something new.

Smile with the first 10 funny quotes:

"I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house."

-Zsa Gabor

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."

-Albert Einstein

"Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle."

-Bob Hope

"If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else!"

-Yogi Berra

"A rich man's joke is always funny."

-Proverb

"To cease smoking is the easiest thing. I ought to know. I've done it a thousand times."

-Mark Twain

"The shortest distance between two points is under construction."

-Noelie Altito

"Life’s Tough, get a helmet!"

-Unknown

"Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one."

-Anonymous

"The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it."

-Franklin P. Jones

Next 10 funny quotes:

"If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button."

-Sam Levenson

"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."

-Steven Wright

"When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room."

-Woody Allen

"Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film."

-Anonymous

"Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?"

-Will Rogers

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."

-John Lennon

"Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back."

-Anonymous

"A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed."

-Anonymous

"An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer will tell you the glass is twice the size it needs to be."

-Anonymous

"Free advice is the kind that costs you nothing unless you act upon it."

-Anonymous

I hope you feel happier after reading these funny quotes!

"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two..."

-Sir Norman Wisdom

"Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry."

-Bill Cosby

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car."

-Unknown

"My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil."

-Paul Getty

"Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent."

-Anonymous

"I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough."

-Les Dawson

"Operator! Give me the number for 911!"

-Anonymous

"I intend to live forever. So far, so good."

-Steven Wright

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes."

-Anonymous

"There Are Three Kinds of People - Those Who Can Count and Those Who Can't."

-Anonymous

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Take a look over some superb funny quotes
from a great comedian- STEVEN WRIGHT

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I have created this site to Remind you how Incredible Life Can Be, to Encourage you to achieve your goals and dreams,to Motivate and Inspire you when you feel depressed,and to keep you Focused on the important things in your life.